6 Phrases to Avoid in Your Relationship

In this article, we’ll share 6 phrases you should avoid in your relationship. When you’re in a long-term relationship, you know exactly how to make your partner feel loved and appreciated—and you also know exactly which buttons to push, where to press them, and what will push them over the edge. Even in happy partnerships, disagreements are part of the game, and language plays a major role in relationship conflicts. In other words: certain phrases are more likely to spark anger or hurt. Instead of upsetting your partner or making them feel unappreciated or unheard, it’s essential to bite your tongue and think before letting these triggering phrases slip out. 

6 Phrases to Avoid in Your Relationship

In the following paragraphs, you’ll find expert advice on 6 phrases to avoid between spouses. Read on and pay close attention:

“You always blame me for everything”

This is one of the 6 phrases to avoid in your relationship. The problematic word here is “always,” because it’s 100% untrue. When we’re frustrated, we tend to recall previous situations where we felt the same way, which leads us to tell our partner they “never” do something or “always” do something. In reality, no one does anything “always” or “never”—we’re human, after all—so using these words can cause relationships to break down. 

Instead, it’s important to dive into why you feel this way. Often, a fight about something small is really about a bigger issue. If emotions are running high, take a step back to examine them. Listen to each other without interrupting and ask for clarification when needed. The goal is to understand your partner’s perspective, not just to “win” the argument.

“No, you’re wrong”

The second of the 6 phrases to avoid in your relationship. When your partner is mistaken about something, what harm is there in saying this? Actually, it’s not that simple. This kind of phrase leaves no room to consider whether anything your partner says might be valid or valuable. A phrase like this can immediately put your significant other on the defensive, as it may feel like a complete rejection of their thoughts and/or feelings.

Depending on how it’s delivered, this phrase can always come across as condescending, offensive, or arrogant. Instead, experts recommend pausing and consciously considering your partner’s position with an open mind. Then, you can honestly discuss what you do and don’t agree with, and do so in a collaborative way.  

“You ask for sex too much”

Intimacy is a sensitive topic, especially since many people were raised to feel shame or secrecy about their sex lives. Meeting your partner’s sexual and intimate needs is a big part of a relationship. But to improve how you communicate physically, wording makes a huge difference. Phrases like “that’s not enough sex” or “too much sex” can come across as dismissive and demoralizing. Communicate openly and honestly, but also be kind. If you start to notice a shift in your sexual interactions with your spouse, talk about what could help bring back the spark or create a balance that feels satisfying without draining either partner. As clinical as it may sound, there’s nothing wrong with scheduling intimacy.

Saying “Calm down!”

If you’ve ever been told to relax when you’re angry, upset, or anxious, you know it usually has the opposite effect. Instead of calming you down, it aggravates you. In fact, Alexis Wolfe, relationship expert and founder of NYCDateNite, says it’s one of the most frustrating—and least helpful—things you can say to someone in an emotional state. “Telling someone to ‘calm down’ when they’re emotional is like pouring salt on a wound. Without fail, it makes the person feel even more upset about the situation.” 

Instead, Wolfe says you should sit down, let them say their piece, and show that you’re listening. Then you can say, “Okay, I hear you and I understand you have strong feelings. Maybe we can take a deep breath, and you can tell me what we can do to fix this.”

“I don’t want you to come home and take over everything”

This is one of the 6 phrases to avoid in your relationship. As humans, we’re great at saying what we don’t need or want, which licensed professional counselor Crystal Bradshaw calls a “negative need.” As she explains, it’s often harder for people to express what they do need instead of just complaining. 

Bradshaw says these are better examples of positive needs:

Negative need: “I don’t need your help.”

Positive need: “I need some time alone to recharge and de-stress.”

Negative need: “I don’t need you to fix me, just hug me.”

Positive need: “I’m feeling disconnected and confused. I need some quality time with you.”

“You’re too sensitive”

Your partner may be very sensitive, but remember, they’re still your person. You’ve chosen to spend your life with them, so you need to meet them where they are. Telling your partner they’re overreacting is a common way to add fuel to the fire: it’s a form of manipulating someone into doubting their feelings.

Instead of hurting their feelings further, you can ask, “Did what I said really upset you?” Then, take the time to listen to their response. You can then say, “I hear you, and I’ll do my best to handle it differently next time.”