Dealing with a Stubborn Wife: Advice and Guidance

Many men complain about having a stubborn wife, which can often be traced back to early childhood and social upbringing.

The Stubborn Wife: Causes Behind This Personality

• It is common that when a young girl insists on her opinion and refuses to give in, her parents eventually give in to her demands. This reinforces her stubbornness and makes it a coping strategy she adopts throughout her life.
• Another possible cause is growing up in a home where the father's word carries no weight, and the mother has the final say in the household. In this case, the girl unconsciously imitates her mother’s behavior within the family structure.
• Stubbornness can also arise if a woman grows up in a family that does not treat her with respect. Here, stubbornness becomes a reaction to prove her existence and assert her own true identity in the world.
• Sometimes, a woman's stubbornness is a reaction to having a domineering husband who does not respect her opinions at home.

Advice for Dealing with a Stubborn Wife

A man who struggles with his wife's stubbornness can try several approaches, such as showing her enough love, respect, and attention.

He should also act wisely and calmly when he feels she is holding firmly to her opinion. When a woman becomes accustomed to being welcomed by her husband and experiences his desire for dialogue and communication at home, she will gradually adapt to this new reality and begin to let go of her stubbornness over time.

There are also several important points a man should avoid, as they can worsen the situation and increase her anger, making her more stubborn as a reaction and widening the gap between husband and wife.

These points include: arguing with her in front of the children, and allowing family members or relatives to interfere in marital disputes and conflicts.

Advice for the Stubborn Wife

1 – A woman should understand that her husband wants her to obey him, as Allah (SWT) has given men authority (qiwamah) over women.

This authority is not a privilege, but a responsibility, meaning that a man’s duties toward his wife are different from his other household responsibilities.

2 – It is best and most beneficial for a woman to let go of her stubbornness and obey her husband. Most stubborn wives complain about their husbands becoming distant, and the husband pulls away because he cannot get close to her due to her stubbornness and excessive desire for control, which undermines his sense of manhood.

3 – It is very important for a stubborn wife to communicate and have calm discussions with her husband, so that he does not treat her in a way she dislikes.

4 – A woman should also understand her husband's desires and needs, so she can build a family filled with mercy, affection, and stability.

The Prophet’s (peace be upon him) Hadith About the Stubborn Wife

Asma bint Yazid al-Ansariyyah came to the Prophet (peace be upon him) and said:

"May my father and mother be sacrificed for you! I am a representative of women to you. May my soul be your ransom. There is no woman in the East or West who hears of my coming to you, or even if she does not hear, except that she is of the same opinion as I am."

"Allah has sent you with the truth to men and women, and we have believed in you and in your Lord who sent you. We women are confined and restricted to your homes, fulfilling your desires, bearing your children. You men have been favored over us by attending Jumu'ah, congregational prayers, funeral prayers, Hajj after Hajj, visiting the sick, and above all, striving in the path of Allah (jihad)."

"When a man goes out for Hajj or Umrah, we safeguard your wealth, raise your children, and weave your clothes. Do we share in your reward, O Messenger of Allah?"

The Prophet (peace be upon him) then turned completely to his companions and said:

"Have you ever heard a woman ask about her religion in a better way than this?"

They replied, "O Messenger of Allah, we did not think a woman could be so guided." The Prophet (peace be upon him) then turned to her and said:

"Go back, O woman, and inform the women behind you that a wife’s good companionship with her husband, her seeking his pleasure, and her following his agreement is equal to all of that."

These were the details about the stubborn wife, advice for her and her husband to help build a happy and strong family, and the words of the Prophet (peace be upon him) regarding women.